Feminism Learnings

So, thus far, I have avoided posting about many feminist issues in particular.  That is not to say that gender and sexuality aren't important in feminism, but rather, I have avoided talking about the sexism and misogyny prevalent in our society.  The reason for this is that I simply don't feel equipped,  because oh such a large can of worms sexism is.    I read blogs on the topic of feminism (sex positive, radical feminist, etc) and I find myself nodding in agreement, and then I read the comments and find myself talked in circles.

So before I begin to post on the topic of feminism, and it's something that I really would like to talk about, I'll just provide some basic things I've learned in the past few months from reading blogs.  I don't claim to be an expert, oh please don't consider me an expert, but this is what I've learned and I wanted to share it while I get my thoughts better in order.  If you want to know more about the very basic, basic movement you can look from "feminism" on my Terminology Post

Straw Man Fallacy (defined straight from Wikipedia):
 "A straw man is a component of an argument and is an informal fallacy based on misrepresentation of an opponent's position, twisting his words or by means of [false] assumptions.  To "attack a straw man" is to create the illusion of having refuted a proposition by replacing it with a superficially similar yet unequivalent proposition (the "straw man"), and refuting it, without ever having actually refuted the original position."

This is generally where I start chasing down dead ends and initially agreeing with sexists, because I don't even understand what they're saying.

Radical Feminism:
I'm not going to do myself justice on this definition because I don't consider myself a radical feminist.(and you can always go to wiki and look it up, but the definition wasn't as useful to me this time).  The basic idea is that power in our society exists (only) in the form of "the Patriarchy".  The Patriarchy is the society of men that exists to bring power to themselves and keep women oppressed.

I'm trying very hard not to be too judgmental, I really am, because many times I do find myself very strongly disagreeing.  I have frequently seen it argued that women are not (always) in charge of their actions and the decisions because the Patriarchy is so tightly interwoven into women's lives.  And the thing is, I do believe that society influences our decisions to a degree.  I just don't believe that saying that society (or the Patriarchy) is the only thing that dictates my decisions.  I am my own person and am, in fact, capable of rational thought.  But then you get into the degree to which society influences my decisions and I just have to say: Fuck I don't know.  I then tie myself in knots trying to track down the answer to this completely unsolvable question.

Now, for where I do agree with Radical Feminism.  There is a Patriarchy.  A partirachy is defined as a society/hierarchy ruled by men.  Just look at the only 44 women in Congress, which is no where even near 50%.  The Society Pages has some excellent statistics on this dichotomy of power such as this.

Disclaimer: Not all radical feminists believe or say all of the things mentioned above, but I'm just doing my best to say what I have found in my readings.


Sex-Positive Feminism:
I'm slightly more comfortable on this front because I do define myself as a sex-positive feminist and thus can speak to the ideas behind the movement without sticking my foot in my mouth (completely).  What sex-positive feminists believe is that sex is not bad.  Sex is not something to be hid, or ashamed of, and it's not dirty.  It's a beautiful act, done between two or more consenting people.

Sex is not a tool of the Patriarchy.  It is not a tool that women hold over men (or that men hold over men, repeat variations to infinity).  It is not a tool men use to keep women in line.  It is not a tool.  It is not currency.  Women are not the gate keepers, because sex is a two way street.  Sex is an an action and I want people to stop having to be ashamed of it.  If people want to have casual sex, then it shouldn't be a problem because that is their prerogative.  Being a slut should not be a shameful, dirty thing (says the woman with the fairly limited sexual experience).

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So, I'm not sure I actually said anything worthwhile at all, but I wish I would have known a lot of this when I first started out reading about feminism.

Edit:
You can read the comments for me response, because they bring up some important issues.  Firstly, I never meant to imply that these are the only two types of feminism.  As Liam points out, it is a broad spectrum.  And I'll be honesty, I still learning and these (plus equality feminism which Alexa mentions) are the only types of feminism that I have specifically learned about.  So, here is a list of some terms I read over after reading my comments, so that I could educate myself further.

I also didn't mean to say that sex-positive was right and radical feminism was wrong.  That's also really not the case.  I personally do not agree with all/most of the ideas upheld by radical feminists, but that is not to say they're wrong.  These are all opinions and I only expressed my own.

Ambition

I am currently looking for a second job since my show only rehearses at night.  In the course of filling out a bunch of job applications (oh I miss jobs where you can just send a resume and cover letter) I ran into many applications that asked about ambition in the personal questionnaire section.  All of the questions were things like: "Will you always strive to reach the top level of any job that you're in?"

My answer was honestly: No (and something most be working somehow because I'm getting all sorts of interviews).  I don't want to be a manager or whatever at any job I'm working.  Does that mean I'm not going to work my hardest?  Absolutely not, it just means that's not where my ambitions lie.

I'm hard working, mainly because I'm not sure I know how to slack off, and ambition only helps with my work ethic.  For a long time I thought I didn't have ambition at all.  I didn't want to be a CEO or rich or even a Broadway stage manager.  I realized recently that my ambitions just lie in a very different direction: I want to stage manage at a children's theatre.  This is very specific, but I loved seeing theatre growing up and I want to be that person who helps make a difference (even if they don't realize it) in kids' lives.

But I will still answer: Am I an ambitious person?  Not really, I just want to live a comfortable life doing what I love.

6 Ways Gmail Can Help Stage Managers

I'm going to write this post write now, while the excitement of the discovery is still fresh.  Recently, Gmail went to a new format and added some new features, and overall, I am really loving the changes and improvements.  This post is about my new discovery and about how Gmail has honestly saved my ass over my years as a stage manager.

I would also like to note that I am certain some other email clients have similar/identical features and that the features I talk about aren't just helpful for stage managers.

1. Labels
This is a feature I know that pretty much every email client has, since I have used them in different email clients. However, there are many things about the way that Gmail does theirs that really helps me in particular.

You can color labels.  The color will show up in the inbox listing and thus you can glance through your email and recognize the subject of the message without even having to read.

You can hide labels if there are no-unread messages within the label.  This is extremely useful if you are working multiple shows or projects at once and thus have a lot of labels in use currently.

2. Filters
Okay, now, no doubt, you're saying, "But that doesn't sound that special."  What makes labels so powerful is when they are used in conjunction with filters.  Most stage managers (and indeed any production staff I know) tag their subject lines with the name of the show every single time.  Using filters, you can say: Subject has words: SHOW NAME, please label all messages with this label.  This is another ease-of-reading type of feature.  This way you don't even manually have to label your messages.

Filters are also handy because you can send those pesky emails from companies (Barnes and Noble, Kohls, etc) straight to the archives, that way you can still have them if you want to look at deals, but you don't have to.

3. Undo Send
This used to be a Gmail Lab, but I believe Google now has officially adopted it.  It allows you to "unsend" an email after it was sent.  Say you realize you made a horrible spelling error, left someone off of the email list, or sent an email that you instantly regretted.  In all these situations, as long as you realize fairly quickly, then you can unsend the email temporarily so you can fix your mistakes.


4. Attachment Reminder
This is another Lab which has saved me many times.  I know so many stage managers who send out their rehearsal report...without the rehearsal report attached.  This was never the biggest problem for me, but I know some that do it nearly every time.  This lab means that if you use the word "attach" in the email and then send it without an attachment, it will check in with you and make sure you're meaning to send it without an attachment.  It means I sometimes sound a little stilted by saying: "the rehearsal report is attached" every time, but it makes sure I don't make any mistakes.


5. Priority Inbox
This is a feature where Gmail sections out the "important" emails and puts them at the top in a separate section (it learns which are important from how quickly you open the message, how frequently, if you mark a similar message as important, etc).

I have talked to a few stage managers who can't stand it, but for me, if all my important emails float to the top, it really does ensure I will read them faster.  It does occasionally get strange ideas about what's important, but you can always unmark a message as important and Gmail will learn from that.


6. Sectioned Inbox
If you are using priority inbox and have opted to use the new Gmail interface early, then this is something you can use.  By going to Email Settings > Inbox you can add your labels straight into you inbox.  This means that is will take all of West Side Story emails and group them into one place in your inbox.  You can filter how many you would like to have shown in that section, I choose about 10.  I can click over to the label section extremely easily, but this helps me keep an easy reminder of the recent emails that I've been sent for a particular show.

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Now, there are so many features that I use in my email to help me out in my day to day work such as the starred feature, but these are the trickier, less known about ones.  I have suggested to some stage managers that they use them and in general they have been extremely grateful for the knowledge.  I do think that Gmail is probably the best email client in existence currently, but I also do realize that some people do have work emails and such, so I did try not to disparage other clients too much.

As a footnote, I would like to add that Google Calendars and Google Documents can also be extremely helpful to a stage manager. This blog post brought to you by Google.

Edit:
Boyfriend pointed this out to me, but the Attachment Reminder, isn't a lab anymore either.  It's something that Gmail just does not.  Gmail: taking good ideas and claiming them as their own.

"The One"

So, I really would like to get a post with content in before going to bed, but I am really tired, so I'm just going to give it my best shot.

The way relationships are portrayed in tv shows and books and movies and advertising and and and...(I could go on for awhile) is so incredibly destructive and misleading, so I wanted to come up with a list of misconceptions that I had in the past (some of them fairly recent even) and I want to try to address why they're harmful.

The One/Soul Mates
This is one of the most common and most insidious beliefs out there.  It's one that every even slightly romantic young child (and I was a lot more than slightly romantic) believes instantly because it's just so tempting to fall into.  The belief that there is someone, just one person, out there who is absolutely meant for you.  And I did fall into this one and it wasn't a belief that was suddenly changed by a realization but one that occurred over time.

If there's only one person that you're meant for in a world of six billion, let's face it, you're screwed.  How are you ever supposed to find your "soul mate" in a world this big?  And then you realize that if there was only one person for you in the world then basically the vast majority of the world is settling for someone not as good, which is just depressing.  I'm with Boyfriend because I love him and I'm not settling, but can I imagine loving someone just as much, yes, yes I can.  This is all of course not even mentioning that this belief completely denies that polyamory could possibly exist in a healthy and happy form.

Chivalry is Not Dead
Apparently men aren't supposed to pull out chairs and slay dragons and things for women, but they are still supposed to pay for the check and get you flowers and candy, etc?  This seems like a bit of a double standard...okay...more than a bit.  I certainly enjoy all of the things mentioned above on occasion, but media does still frequently push the belief that this is what is expected of men in relationships.  I know many many people who split the bill and split movie costs, etc.  In fact I think most people I know do this, so why is this still so prevalent in the media?  Also what about gay men?  Are they just supposed to fight over the bill constantly?  What about lesbians?  Do they just never go out to eat?  Or do they dine and dash?

Every Happy Relationship will Result in Marriage
This is one of those ones that I honestly didn't realize was problematic till recently.  The problem with it: it denies that people in long-term, committed relationships but who aren't married exist and are happy.  I've met people who have lived together twenty or thirty years in a romantic relationship and haven't married and yet this still didn't click.  If people don't feel like they need or want to get married, that's perfectly reasonable.  I do want to get married some day, but that is a personal feeling, and it doesn't make non-married committed couples any less committed, in love, or happy.

Love at First Sight
Ahaha.  This is one I've always been skeptical of (there had to be one that I realized might be wrong).  I do believe that you can have strong, undeniable chemistry with someone from first meeting, but I have also seen those types of relationships fizzle out and die pretty quickly (not all of them, I'm not trying to say it can't work, just that it's not necessarily the norm).  Love is wonderful and you can love someone deeply and not be in a successful relationship.  Relationships are about love, but they are also about communication and companionship and trust and just getting along with another human being you share your life with; all of this takes work.

You have a Set Amount of Love
I was disabused of this one senior year of high school.  This is the thought that you only have enough romantic love for one person at a time.  Thus, if you like one person then you can't also like another because you only have so much love to give.  I realized that this couldn't possibly a universal truth when I had two people I was attracted to at the same time.  I remember being thoroughly confused and then realizing that liking two people at the same time didn't make either of my feelings less valid.

Being Attracted to Someone Else is Cheating
This one is related to the previous belief, but it also covers a pretty wide scope.  I've heard friends of mine say, "Well I can't be attracted to another person (frequently a celebrity even) because then my significant other would be jealous/consider it cheating".  It's just looking.  That's all.  Saying, "Wow, Ewan Mcgregor (I actually don't find Brad Pitt that attractive otherwise I would have used him) is really hot and sexy" to me is about the same as saying, "Wow, that car is really hot and sexy".  It doesn't mean you're going to cheat on your significant other with Ewan Mcgregor or that car.  It means you appreciate the way they look.

Also, being attracted to someone you know, but not acting on those feelings isn't cheating.  Certainly you can suppress those feelings but you still can't really help feeling them.  This idea relies a lot on the belief that you should be jealous of anyone else that your significant other looks at.  And, once again, a myth completely at odds with polyamory (they seem to be quite common).

Your Significant Other Should have Eyes for Only You
This one is similar to the previous myth and this belief is one that is just going to cause jealousy and arguments and codependent relationships.  I have never been a jealous person and thus haven't really fallen into this one ever, because Boyfriend is allowed to spend time with other people.  He's allowed to have friends with people who aren't me and, in fact, he should.  You're both going to be lonely if you don't keep any friends other than your significant other.

You have to Always be Doing Something Together
This one is one that took me forever to figure out and I still struggle with it some times.  You don't always have to be going out on dates.  You really don't.  You can stay in, you can watch a tv show, play a board game.  And, what is hardest for me, maybe you just sit in the same room enjoying each other's company but doing different things; this is very very possible.  This belief is slightly more subliminal than a lot of the others, but it definitely still exists.

Edit: Wearing the Pants
This one is generally about relationships where the man is quieter and the woman is more outspoken.  I have literally responded with: "No, we're both wearing pants" to people who have said this about my relationship. Boyfriend is quieter by nature yes, but he does have opinions and I try very very hard to respect them at all times.  It's a relationship.  Not a dictatorship.

Related is the question: "But which one's the man in the relationship?" asked of gay and lesbian relationships.  Relationships are different and not every one has to have a "man" and a "woman" in them, because genders are not binary and male and female are not opposite, god dammit.

Check In

Hi Blog, how are you?  I've been with Boyfriend for the past week and have been too distracted to post.  I will probably post a little bit later tonight.  To my two or three readers, I apologize for the break in your regular scheduled programming.

Sleep

For the past month I have been sleeping very poorly.  Either I can't get to sleep, or I keep waking up multiple times in the middle of the night, or I sleep forever (12+ hours) but don't feel rested at all.  There were several days where I just didn't sleep because I couldn't.  I'm hoping that my problems were caused by too soft of a mattress and sleeping in an unfamiliar location.  I'm finally back at home now and in my own bed and last night I fell asleep practically as soon as my head hit the pillow and I stayed that way for 12 hours and woke up feeling completely rested.

How to Call a Show

I am almost done with the show I currently am working on, so as a nod to being almost done I would like to post a list of things to keep in mind when calling a show as a stage manager.  Some of these points I knew before ever calling a show, some of them I didn't and wish I had been told.


1. Say the Operative Word (Go) Last
Many beginning stage managers say: Go Lights or Go Sound.  However, if you do things in this order than your board operators (or crew in general if it's a fly cue or set change or automation, etc) have no idea which department needs to go and they will always be late executing their cues.

2. Give as Much Information as Possible
If you have time, I have honestly found it best if you say Lights 57...Go (or in my case I say Light Cue 57...Go, which is just a personal preference).  Giving the number, letter, designation of a cue provides a discrete check in with your crew over whether you are in the correct cue.  When you have a series of cues that happens to quickly to do this then I will say Lights...Go, but I will always, always denote in my script the number of the cue in parentheses, even when I don't say it.


3. Give Standbys
This is basic etiquette, but it is very important.  Especially in a show that has fewer cues, board operates are not constantly in "standby mode" with their finger hovering over the button.  Giving a standby in advance will instantly put board ops into ready mode so they can execute a cue quickly.

If you are working a show with many cues (like I am now) than give your standbys in batches: ie. Standby Light Cues 5 through 15, Sound Cues 3 and 4, and Fly Cues 7 through 9.  Generally giving standbys in-between songs or major bouts of action works nicely.  When you are giving your standbys in batches, I try to denote roughly how many cues the operators will be taking so I say "and" if it's only two cues, but "through" if it's more.  This is a little personal touch but I have been complemented on it.  Also when you say Standby Lights 7 and 8, but you also have Lights 7.3, 7.5, and 7.7, it gets very confusing.


4. Speak Clearly and Distinctly (Don't get Excited)
This happened to me a lot more frequently when I first started calling show, but when you get excited or anxious about an upcoming cue, your (or at least my) voice tends to speed up and words tend to blur together.  If a board op thought you said Sound but really you said Lights, then you can get into major trouble board ops are trained to do what you say, so it's really your fault.  Say the department and number well in advanced so you can be distinct and be very clear and firm when you say Go.  This is particularly important to remember when you are calling "bumps" which are 0 second cues at the ending note of some musical numbers.


5. Make "Go" a Separate Thought
I have met even some professional stage managers who like to get the cue in as close to when it needs to happen as possible.  That is really not my style and in my opinion, it makes it difficult on your crew.  My advice is say the department and cue number beforehand and end with an upward inflection to indicate you aren't done.  For example: Light Cue Forty-Twooo...Go.

Related, but I find when I say the department and cue number with a short and terse inflection very inexperience board operators sometimes think that that's when they are supposed to take the cue.


6. Your Board Operators have a Response Time
This one took me some time to figure out, but every crew members is different.  Some are lighting quick and some have about a second delay before executing the cue.  You can talk to your crew about the delay as much as you want, but sometimes it really does just have to do with their reflexes and so you should keep this in mind when calling a show, particularly when working with a crew you haven't worked with before.


7. Words Take Time
This ones interesting and I basically have only figured it out in the past several months.  When a designer, says I want this cue on this word, they generally won't tell you which exact syllable (I have had some designers who did this and I actually enjoyed the specificity, but it's not common).  You can ask them if they have a preference, but frequently they will say that it's up to you.  This is where creativity comes into stage management.  Especially in musicals, it means sometimes you can have a good deal of leeway about when to call a cue.  My advice is to experiment with what looks best.  Does it look (this generally is a visual thing and not a aural one) better when the cue finishes before the next word or when the cue is just starting before the next word.


8. Cues Take Time 
This realization caught me by surprise the second show I called.  The first lighting designer I worked with liked 5 second fade times.  However the next lighting designer preferred 3 seconds as a default.  It is very personal to each designer and you have to take into account that if a 5 second cue needs to be finished by a particular words and there's only 3 seconds in between words, then you need to call the cue earlier.


9. Know how Every Cue should Look/Sound
This is my last point and it's just general good advice.  You need to know how every change looks and sounds so you can recognize immediately if something is wrong.  Noticing: this cue looks wrong in a subtle cue means you are more likely to be able to fix it before you have problems when you reach an obvious cue.  This is why I like to specific cue numbers.

10. Write Out your Cues Clearly
This one can be for your own sanity's sake, but more importantly, if for some horrible reason, something happens to you, then someone else will need to call the show.  Thus, if your cues are written out extremely clearly, standbys included, then the other person will be able to understand them.  I also tend to note anything important about the cue such as: When Susan Crosses Center Stage (S Xs CS) and such.

11.  Be Consistent
Try to start saying the cue at around the same place every night, it's a good habit and it will mean the cues almost become "muscle" memory.  I don't always do this but I will sometimes make a dot in the script where I want to start saying the cue and sometimes even I dot when I want to be finished saying it.