Thursday, November 17, 2011


So, I've posted about my family, about going to try an open relationship, and about coming to terms with my sexuality, so I might as well finish the last of my secrets off and put it out on the internet (this is clearly the logical choice...clearly).  I would say trigger warning, but it's really not a trigger warning, it's more a possibly offensive warning, but all sorts of the things a say are possibly offensive. So. I guess this just might be more offensive than usual?

Anyway, I discovered masturbation when I was very young.  I remember knowing what it was (though not the name of it, I wouldn't learn that till much later) at the age of five, so I must have discovered earlier than that.  When I was six, I made a male friend in my grade and we hung out all the time together. It was fun, he didn't talk about frilly "girly" things, which at that time in my life, I despised.  We were friends from the first grade through about third grade (when I changed schools to get more of a challenge out of my education).

We were kids and we played.  We played all sorts of things: knights, we played dragons, we played various board games and video games, but we also played "torture".  We had both discovered the tickling sensation that masturbation caused and we shared that with each other and we played around with that.  It wasn't all the time, but it did happen occasionally.  We didn't come close to anything even remotely resembling penis-in-vagina sex, but we did sorta touch on oral sex.  It's all very strange to look back on frankly, and when I got into  junior high and high school, I looked back and realized that we had discovered on our own, what we were later to be taught (of course we didn't know anything remotely resembling safe practices, etc >.< ).

I don't think of it as exploitative or abusive, we were both the same age and had a fun time together.  I do recall all the shame I've felt over the years, but I was a kid, I hadn't been taught anything and I was just having fun.  I'm not sure it possibly could have gone any differently.  I don't know how normal this is, but if you look at the internet, at least some people (they can't possibly all be trolls) have had similar experiences.  I'm not really sure how it's affected my life today.

It's also fascinating because it was purely platonic, if that can even be possible.  We tried the whole, cutesy, elementary "dating" thing (a few years later) for a few days and it was just awkward.

Anyway, that's my story.  Sorry for offending anyone (possibly) and bearing my skeletons to the entire internet, which I still feel kinda weird about.

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