Tuesday, November 22, 2011


Flirting has never been something I'm good at, so, out of curiosity, I looked up the dictionary definition.

verb (used without object)
1. To court triflingly or act amorously without seriousintentions; play at love; coquet.
2. To trifle or toy, as with an idea: She flirted with the notion ofbuying a sports car.
3. To move with a jerk or jerks; dart about.

I found that distinctly unhelpful, so I moved on to my trusty friend, Wikipedia.  

Flirting (or coquetry) is a playful, romantic or sexual overture by one person to another subtly indicating an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person, and can involve verbal communication as well as body language.

Okay, this matches more with what my idea of flirting is, but it got me even more curious so I decided to do a quick google search: How to flirt.

The variety of answers I got was fairly impressive, but my the first result was some typical pick up artist bullshit.  It suggests that instead of compliments, that you should tease girls (this article is strictly directed at men looking to pick up women).  It suggests the following as some tried and true teasing pick up lines.
  • If a girl says something nerdy I will say “You usually hang out at the library don’t you?”
  • If a girl spills her drink I will say “Bartender, I think you need to cut her off”
  • If a girl is acting a little spoiled say “Looks like someone put their cranky pants on this morning
Is there a single one of those lines that isn't offensive? Are there women who actually like some creep insulting her? This seems like a beyond foreign concept to me. Whatever happened to a friendly, "Hello, my name is..."?

It also suggests that you can tease a girl when she gets up to go to the bathroom by blocking her path a couple times. And, no, just no. Maybe the bathroom is her escape from you, or maybe she just needs the bathroom. But that is creepy and overly possessive of a person you don't even know. It also gives off vibes of stalker and aggression.

This tip was unique to the first several top results of my google search. However, many of the sites did have advice like: "Break the touch barrier by touching her arm" or "Maintain eye contact at all times, it projects confidence." And I would just like to say that if were aren't friends, or at the very least, acquaintances, you damn well better not be touching me. That very well could be considered assault, if you decide to take a picky definition of the word. Also, I really don't want to be stared at all evening, at all. Eye contact is good, staring is just creepy.

There were some sites that had a lot of things I agreed with. Be friendly, be confident enough to at least introduce yourself, and most importantly, listen to the other person. But two things I did notice both about the bad and the good advice:

1. The advice was strictly aimed at men looking up to pick up women.
2. The advice was strictly aimed at men picking up women in a bar setting.

Can't people who are already friends flirt? Can't women flirt with men? Or women flirt with women? Or men flirt with me? I'm not horribly surprised by these two things, but I am disappointed.

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