Assorted Stories from my Latest Shows

In  my post about being burnt out I talked briefly about how I rescued an actor from being killed by a sandbag.  Now for a myriad of other entertaining (I hope) stories.

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The fourth day of tech I came in having already worked a six hour shift at Starbucks.  It was my fourth eighteen hour day and so this is the setting for my story.  About an hour before dinner one of the actors comes offstage and informs me that one of our very large riser units is hard to move.  This wasn't the most trustworthy of actors and so I went to find another one who had proven himself to be slightly more reliable.  He confirmed the first actor's story and so I took a look at it and first checked to see if the drop pin (essentially our braking system) was down.  It wasn't.  But one side of the unit did seem much closer to the ground.  I informed my deck chief and he came over to take a look at it.  He initially dismissed it as wear and tear, but I insisted and he too noted that one side was much much closer to the ground.

We took the side paneling off and he quickly discovered that the unit had completely failed and would not roll again if it couldn't have extensive repairs made to it.  So we took it to the adjacent (small) shop and began major repairs that should have never been needed if the unit had been made correctly in the first place.  The stage manager and I then pointed out that we would need to do the same with the second unit (there was a fair amount of cursing at that point that I'm cutting out).  I spent the next forty-five minutes listen to my deck chief/master carpenter rant and rave about the whole situation (and really his whole reaction was well and truly earned).

So I walked down the street of the small city where my theatre was located, getting more and more agitated.  As I walked, I bumped into my assistant choreographer, a close friend of mine, and I literally broke down and cried on his shoulder for a solid few minutes.  I have never been in that state in my life nor would I ever want to again.  But the major scenic center pieces of the show were eventually repaired and life did go on.

Oh and as the kicker, when we took the side paneling off of both riser units there were loose screws just hanging out inside.

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The rest of my stories from that show aren't quite a coherent tale, but here's just a fun list of things I witnessed/was party to/dealt with:

• A forty year old dating a seventeen year old
• Two dogs onstage
• Set pieces that didn't actually fit in the space
• Confetti canons that never fucking worked (eventually we figured out a trick with the masking tape)
• Disappearing masking tape, spike tape, paint, paint brushes, batteries, and drills
• A crew member who had no business being backstage because he was a safety hazard (he was a bit slow, which is not a problem, unless you're working in a business where you or someone else could get killed if you're not quick on your feet)
• A teenage friend confessing relationship issues to me

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Oh wait, I do have one more story.  I'd forgotten this one because it was the first day of tech.  This crew member eventually quit.  This was the conversation I had over wireless headset.  As you'll see, I had already learned to be very specific with this particular crew member.

"Rachel, can you please move the stage right wall unit into stage right wing three with the red paneling facing down?"

*Silence*

"Rachel?"

"Who?"

"Rachel, can you please move the stage right wall unit into stage right wing three with the red paneling facing down?"

"What?"

"The stage right wall unit."

"Where?"

"Please move the stage right wall unit into stage right wing three, with the paneling facing down."

*Silence*

"Rachel?"

"Me?"

"Yes. You."

*Silence*

"Rachel?!"

"Now?"

That was literally the only time I have ever thrown anything in frustration (I threw my clipboard (funny thing was my boss was right there and he just laughed at me)).  Luckily my deck chief took over from there.  Just UGGH.

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This next story actually happened on my latest show two days ago.  It involves a picture.  Since the theatre I'm working in has no real fly (rigging) system to speak of the carpenters created an impromtu one for something called a kabuki drop.  A kabuki drop is essentially a rig that holds something (in this case a sign) and then you press a button and it unfurls.  Then you can press another button and it drops completely to the ground.  The rigging system for the kabuki drop in this theatre looks like the picture below:

So the other day, what happened was that one of the three pick points on the kabuki drop (which is represented by the piece labeled scenery) came unattached from the counterweight (in this case a sandbag).  So we got I got out a ladder and pulled the wire down from the ceiling and we reattached it to the sandbag.  However, the wire was no longer the same length as the others, so I needed to adjust the length of the other wires.  It was infinitely doable, but the stage manager told me to just let it be, so I did and we did the show without the kabuki drop.

That same night we got two-thirds of the way through the show and suddenly all three people on the crew realized that our headsets were too quiet.  As it turns out we couldn't communicate with the stage manager, who was on wired clear com (headset).  We were on wireless.  We realized when a cue to close a curtain was supposed to happen, but didn't.  Since the kabuki was cut for the night, I ran up to the booth and informed them what was wrong, but since the show is so busy for everyone involved, we couldn't actually fix it.  So we did there rest of a very complicated show with no clear com (it went of smoothly, but dear god it was nerve-wracking).

The next day we came in and there were cables securing the sandbag to the wires of the rigging to keep them from coming apart, which is what had happened in the first place.  It wasn't a clean or elegant solution but at least the idiot fixed it.  So me, being the person I am, decided to test the rig after it had been fixed and before the show.  Let me tell you, I have never been so glad of doing something.  When I pressed the button for the sign to unfurl, one of the ropes securing the sign to the kabuki drop completely came untied and it swung on one rope like a drunken pendulum and would have hit whoever was below it.  So I retied the knots, checked several other knots that were loose and tested it again.  Since I did that, it's been working perfectly, thankfully.

If it had just been rigged properly in the first place it never would have been a problem.  In case you actually care, the person who did this rigging was the same carpenter who built the riser units from my first story.

Burnt Out

I haven't been blogging.  It's been almost a year.

Part of the reason is that I live with the people who used to be my primary audience.  Part of it was I got more self conscious.  Part of it was that I got really busy and haven't had time.  When you work 18 hours a day for almost two months straight you don't have much time for anything other than sleep.

Starbucks has been an utter disaster lately.  I don't really want to talk about it at the moment, maybe in another post, if I can find the time and energy to do another post.  It's really rough though when something you love turns into something you hate and in this case it was all at once.

In the case of theatre it was gradual.  What I realized recently (and it's only become more clear writing this most) is that the last time I've taken more than a one month break from theatre was the summer of my freshman year.  What that basically means is that I have stage managed for four years without a break of more the four weeks.

Now, I realize that this sounds like normal life for people probably.  I mean, people work for years at a time without taking more than a few weeks off here and there for vacations.  But the fact is, stage managing is one of the most stressful jobs I can think of.  You are underpaid (by more than I can possibly explain).  Stage managers don't get paid by the hours.  They get a contract stating an amount of money that they will get during a show and then receive that amount every few weeks in even portions.  Why don't stage managers get paid by the hour?  The honest truth is that theatres can't afford it.  If you're an equity (union) stage manager, you are in rehearsals for eight hours a day.  That sounds about normal.  However you have, roughly, an hour of prep on either side of that rehearsal.  Not to mention paperwork to fill out and disseminate.  The old saying goes: A stage manager is the first and arrive and the last to leave.

When you stage manager, you live the show.  No one knows it better than you.  I would argue not even the director (though that argument would be contested by many a director).  There is stress on you constantly.  You are expected to not only know what everyone is thinking, but know it before they even think of it.  I truly wish I was joking, but you do start to be able to do the impossible after awhile.  On the last show I was working I would pull out the rehearsal props that were needed.  Then seeing how quickly the director was working, I pulled out the props for the following scene as well.  The director turned to me a few minutes and said that she would like to continue working and if I could pull the props out, which I promptly handed to her.  Now that level of detailed thinking is not necessarily expected by every person who you work with.  But if you are trying to impress them and get rehired or hired on in a larger capacity, it's certainly helpful.

If something goes wrong, it's your fault.  Again, that's not to say that everyone will blame you inherently, but if someone needs to take the blame it should be the stage manager who voluntarily takes it.  It's not fair and I know it and I generally accept it willingly.  Because I have found that, every single time, it is better to swallow your pride and apologize, than fight over something ultimately trivial.

I'm trying to describe the amount of pressure on you as a stage manager and I'm not sure I'm succeeding at all.  I'm not trying to complain, I'm just trying to make this profession I so love clear for those of you who have never experienced.  It's not like almost any other job I can think of, because when work ends most people can go home and the pressure is off.  They can relax and blow off steam.  But that's just not the case for a stage manager because you could get an email at any point and who knows how urgent it could be.  It's lovely to say: "I only answer emails, texts, or calls, between x and y times."  It is important to set boundaries.  But if it truly is something urgent, if a lead actor has whooping cough or broke a leg, etc, that is something that needs to be dealt with right then and there and putting it off is stupid and sometimes dangerous.

On my last show, we were in tech and running a transition at speed for the first time.  An actor went to exit and stopped in the wing as a curtain was coming in above his head.  The sandbag was about, maybe, a foot from his head when I calmly pulled him out of the way of it.  It could have killed him.  And even now, my response to it was slightly unbelievable, just because the complete level of calm that I felt during the whole incident.  I would have been responsible if I hadn't acted when I did.  The person flying the curtain would have been responsible, but I could have prevented it.  If I hadn't seen it and acted then there would have been a tragedy.  That actor's life was in my hands, and I was only an assistant stage manager.  That's the kind of stress and the kind of situations that I deal with on a daily basis (once a show is open).

And I can do it.  That's the thing.  I can handle that stress.  I love pressure.  But I can only thrive under it for so long before I start to crack.  And I've started.  I caught that mistake and I caught other ones like it during my last show.  But I missed things that I shouldn't have because I was so tired and so god damn burnt out.  So I'm taking a break.  I'm taking a break so that I don't miss something that could get someone hurt or killed and I'm responsible.  It's a boundary I've never encountered before, but it's one that I'm glad I found.

So my plan?  I'm taking a break from stage management.  Not from theatre, which I thought for a long time was what I needed, but from stage management.  I'm currently crewing a show at the theatre where I normally work and I'm having so much fun.  This show is quirky and weird and just a 90 minute sprint straight through, but it's intricate and involves all sorts of skill sets I haven't used in years.  And I love it.  The reason why?  I'm not in charge.  I'm allowed to make mistakes, because I don't have to be perfect (not to say that I don't expect that of myself still, but with the external pressure off it's better).  And the thing is, I look brilliant because I'm not expected to perform to the level I am.  The praise I get from that certainly doesn't hurt.

I want to go back to stage management, and I'm not sure how long I'll be on this hiatus, but going away was important so that I can eventually return to it.

Broken Trust

Today was a very inauspicious first day of tech.  We got about as far as I expected us to, that wasn't the problem.


When we first showed up today the production manager came up to me and was like: "Kaylee, I have some bad news."  So of course it couldn't be good.  As it turned out, one of our crew members had dropped that morning before tech and we didn't have a replacement for her.


I spent much of my first hour in the theatre trying to find a replacement.  I called in one of my asms from a previous show and she filled in until she unexpectedly had to leave after dinner.  Then we just did the show (frustratingly because we don't have extra people) without that last person.


Luckily, we did find someone who was able to fill in every other day of tech and the run.  Unfortunately, it's an actor/director with power issues and an attitude problem.  I am so looking forward to having them backstage.


Then came the part of the day that just makes me incredibly mad.  When it got to be dinner break three of our actors came out on the stage and announced that their wallets had been stolen from their zipped bags in the dressing rooms.  And unfortunately two of these actors were seniors who had just received their graduation money and thus had a fair deal of cash in their wallets.


The three actors were just devastated.  I spent the first twenty minutes of my dinner break consoling them and helping them look.  Then I went and bought the two who had no other money dinner and came back and talked with them some more.  I ended up sending on of the actors, one of the most responsible and sweetest actors up to the balcony, because he was looking like he wanted to throw something.  I know that feeling and he needed to be alone.


Ten minutes later I went up and talked to him and I have never quite heard someone sound that broken.  He was beyond tears and he admitted several times that the hardest part for him was not that his wallet had been taken.  The hardest part was that if most likely had been taken by someone in the cast, someone who he had trusted completely before this.


It's not well known outside of theatre, but there is a great deal of trust between the actors, crew, etc.  Tablets, computers, wallets, even money frequently gets left out in dressing rooms because no outside intruders can get in and just no one would ever steal it.  I've never heard of theft in a theatre before. Ever.  And the fact that someone would break that trust, that complete and utter trust and that comes with people working on a show together, that is just devastating.


Once everyone was back from dinner the production manager made an incredibly somber announcement, urging whoever had taken the wallets to return them, no questions asked.  We then did a sweep of the dressing rooms with each actor looking through their own bag, unfortunately nothing turned out.  We would have called the police at that point, but the production manager and program director did one more sweep of the bags and found that the wallets had been returned to the original bags at some point after everyone made the sweep.


I'm very glad that everything was returned, but I'm also sadden that someone in my cast (or crew) would do that to their fellow actors.

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As a result of those thefts, we also offered to lock everyone's valuables up in the safe backstage.  Most actors took me up on that offer and I was handed twenty+ wallets, purses, keys, cell phones.  It was almost awe inspiring, the trust those actors had in me.  I don't particularly like power and this was even more dangerous than most.  The fact that so many actors and children trusted me so completely is...heady, but not in a particularly good way.

That Perfect Moment

Super excited for my summer show now, but first I have to get through my current show.

Also I should probably be sleeping, but I had a random thought.

One thing I've been complemented on by just about every director I've worked with is this: I call an excellent show.

Calling a show isn't actually my favorite.  I would consider myself good at it.  Just like I would consider myself good at running tech.  But it's not my favorite part of the process.  I like seeing the actors learn and change throughout the rehearsal process too much for anything besides that to be my favorite (how many times can I use that word in a paragraph?)

And I think, possibly (and of course I could be wrong), the thing that sets my calling a part from some other stage manager is that I see that for every cue there is that one perfect moment for it to be called.  The moment where the actor steps from one area of the stage to another and the light comes up on them just as the other area goes out.  Or the lights complete right as the vocals for a song begin.

I try to find that exact moment for every cue.  It really is an art to me.  I was never a great designer and I could never be a director.  I honestly don't think I'm creative enough for it.  However, with calling a show there is something so elegant.  When called in that perfect moment you somehow don't even notice the lights change because that's just how it's supposed to be.  It's so seamless and part of the story.  I think I would be taken aback if someone who hadn't worked the show or wasn't a stage manager came up and complemented the timing, because it shouldn't be noticed.

I truly believe that a well called show should not be noticed by anyone not on the above list.  It needs to help draw in and keep the audience in the story.  Conversely, a poorly called show can so easily pull an audience member out of the show.  If you miss a bump (which is a 0 second light cue which goes on the final beat of a song) then it's jarring (and goddamn obvious).  If you miss bringing up another area of the stage, then the actors aren't lit.  It's a very subtle, very fine art.  And it is one that I love because it's almost always a challenge.

PS. To me it seems like my last posts have been really boastful....that's not how I'm trying to come off, I swear.

Projection

Look at this, three posts total, two days in a row.  How good of me.

Anyway, I could have sworn I already told this story on my blog, but I looked and I couldn't find it.  I think the truth is that I've been meaning to tell this story for ages and never got around to it.

Senior year of college I took the required directing class.  I was nervous.  Out of my mind nervous really.  My experiences with directors hadn't really been a good one during college and my experience with the professor had been even worse.  However I had to take it and, because it was a class many people failed, I wanted to take it earlier in the year than later.

The class ended up really not being that bad.  I'm fairly sure directing will never be for me.  It's not that I don't have an artistic opinion, because I do and I need to turn that part of my brain off while I'm stage managing.  It's more that I'm not comfortable being the one people turn to about the artistic vision.  I'm bad at having a unifying, whole artistic view.  However, the class went as well as could possibly be expected.

The reason for this background information is I want you to know this: Directing as a class scared me.  It scared me every day I had a class.  

At the end of the term we did an interesting exercise.  Each of us wrote down one word or phrase that described each person in our class.  At the very end of the last class period we would get our compiled lists.  It was a little bit of an unnerving experience.  Everyone was scared that people secretly hated them.  Everyone was scared that people would be mean.  We didn't have to look at our lists, but we did have give descriptors (confidentially) to our professor for every classmate.

I got my list and looked at it and it wasn't mean.  It wasn't brutal.  Confidentiality seemed to have brought out honesty from people, at least I can hope.  My list was primarily composed of words and phrases like: Stage Manager, Competent, Assured, Calm, Reassuring, Confident.  Twenty-one other people in the class and I got twenty descriptors like the ones above.  However, one person saw through me.  One person put: Scared.  And that was the truth.  The complete truth.

The point of this story?  You can influence what people think of you.  I wasn't calm in that class. I wasn't assured or confident.  I was terrified; scared out of my mind.  But I projected those attributes.  When at school I was constantly in my role as stage manager.  Even in classes I needed to seem calm and self-assured when I wasn't so that the actors I had classes with come to me during a show a trust me.  The traits above are how I want to be viewed by most people and that little exercise in directing gave me proof that it was mostly working.  One person saw through my projection.

Unfortunately, describing things as I am, it seems horribly manipulative.  And I suppose it is manipulative.  But it's not all a facade.  In directing it was because the scared feeling mostly overwhelmed everything else. However, at most points in my life I am self-assured, competent, calm, reassuring.  I don't get stressed easily, I enjoy helping people as best I can, I enjoy my job and it is a major part of who I am.  Even as a small child I have always been self-possessed.

These days whenever I start a new show at a theatre I've never worked at before I project calm, in control, and competent.  And those things are true.  I'm not the best with new settings though, so subconsciously, I tend to get extremely serious and formal because in truth, I'm not at ease.  I'm working with the same actors I worked with during winter and doing so is making me realize this fact.

For my winter show I was stiff and formal.  Towards the end I started to relax.  Tristan is hard not to relax around and the actors are so damn charismatic.  Now, coming into this new show, despite being flung into it head first, I'm comfortable with the actors.  I can joke with the actors and stage manager (who I actually had never met before Tuesday).  I'm still competent, the actors still trust me, but now I'm more myself.

What does this all mean?  I'm not entirely sure.  In part it's just a realization I've been coming to.  Despite all my descriptions above, I don't pretend to be who I'm not.  I honestly believe that with all my heart.  Even in directing I wasn't pretending to be someone else, I was just hiding being scared with other traits from my personality.  It's all rather complicated.  I also worry about being manipulative, but still, I can't show I'm panicked or upset in front of actors during a show, etc.  There are just some circumstances where I need to project a different emotion than the one I'm feeling.  

Onward

I really really need to get back into the habit of blogging.  It's a good outlet and I like sharing my thoughts.

Over the weekend I helped run auditions for my summer show (auditions were combined with two other shows).  My speech went something like this: "Hello. What's your name?  Mhhm. Mhhm.  Here's your number. Here's your audition packet for this show.  Here's your audition packet for that show.  Here is your audition information sheet.  Here is you audition form.  It's triple carbon-copy so please press hard. Return that and your resume and headshot when you're done."  When all was said and done I gave the spiel approximately 200 times over the course of several days.

Then on Tuesday I started rehearsals for my next show (it's a short one, total production time of only a month).  The stage manager (I'm asm again) for the show informed me on Monday that I would be in charge of rehearsals on Tuesday and Wednesday (my first days of rehearsals).  And so I was plunged into this show.

The director, choreographer, and music director don't talk.  They don't schedule.  They're never in the same room as each other.  We aren't getting the schedule out to the poor actors (junior high/high school age again) until the day of rehearsal.  Yesterday I ended up with five angry texts and one angry phone call from a parent.  The thing is, I had been given basically no information about the show at all.  I was handling things blind and the actors were asking for information I couldn't give them, because I just didn't know myself.  I felt so bad.

I finally talked to the stage manager, Cady, after yesterday's rehearsal.  She assured me that she was frustrated too and was in fact in the process of trying to handle things.  She gave me some background about the whole situation and suddenly I was feeling bad for her too.

So basically it's been an eventful week.  Add to the stories above that my friends are starting to arrive back in town and I am pretty  busy.

Show Post Mortem #2

I finished the show I was working on almost two weeks ago.  It went really smoothly in general.  Everyone was impressed that it was a high school school, which I take as a major success.  We've also been nominated for a bunch of awards for the show, which makes me really really proud of the actors.

There's not really much to say beyond that.  I was genuinely sad to be done with the show. I had bonded with most of those thirty-odd actors and it was sad to say goodbye.  Luckily I'll see at least some of them over the summer.

Despite it being a high school show, it really didn't feel like one.  We ran it in a professional manner and had soaring expectations of the actors.  It was really an interesting experience.  However, now I need to clean up my prompt book.  It will make a better interview book than the one I'm currently using.

Hot Damn

So.  It's almost 4am. I have insomnia (as I always do after tech). I finished the drawings for my opening night gifts.  What to do?  Oh right! I have a blog.

In complete and full honesty, the show is in such great shape.  In my head however?  Well, not as much.

Tonight we had mics for the first time and...well...it could have gone worse? Probably?

Again, honestly, the mics weren't too bad. We have a competent sound designer and she set up a good mix pretty quickly.

It was third dress rehearsal tonight, the first two dress rehearsals went really well.  But tonight I had a mini-mental-break down about 2/3s of the way through the show.  As you so often do for tech, I was sitting in the house, not horribly far from the directors.  We had a scene change done only with actors (because the entire five rest of my run crew was doing a quick change) and it was atrocious.  Like, I completely doubted whether those actors had ever touched a piece of furniture in their entire lives (we're going to run that change tomorrow...a lot).

And so I was in the middle of trying to sort this horrible mess out and I missed a cue.  It was far from a crucial cue and the entire directing turns and snaps at me.  It wasn't yelling and it wasn't angry, but it was A) brusque, B) rude, and C) While I was in the middle of something important.  Any other day. Any other time, I would have been fine, but tonight was a disaster and so I was already on edge.  My throat got tight, my stomach knotted, my breathing got short, and my head began to buzz.  I called the rest of the show distracted, feeling like I needed to throw up.  As soon as it was over, I took a walk to clear my head.

Saying this now, it feels so silly.  It wasn't a big deal. The directors were completely within their rights.  I was just so overwhelmed and so near the edge of my breaking point.  After my walk I ran into my music director, a woman who I love and trust, and so for about a minute I sobbed into her shoulder. Then I got control of myself and went inside for acting notes.  By the end of tech notes (which I was forced to run because of an absent production manager) I was feeling normal and a little bit silly.

So.  Why on earth was tonight so bad? Firstly, the show I'm working has one lead who talks approximately 80% of the show. Tristan, who I've mentioned before, is that lead and he is, unsurprisingly, fantastic (he's also the production manager, see my note about that above).  However, since spring break, his voice has been in shreads.  He's been on partial vocal rest (marking the singing in rehearsals) for almost two weeks now and it hasn't helped.  Today he was on complete vocal rest. No speaking. No singing.  Little did I realize that this applied to the show tonight.

Tristan spoke his lines quietly (so quietly even the mics didn't really pick him up) and didn't sing his part at all.  So here I am, with about 20% of the dialogue and vocals for the entire run of the show.  I know this show backwards and forwards, inside and out, and I could just, just barely call it.  If my crew hadn't been on top of their game, I think I would have broken down a lot sooner.  About two songs in, my music director, bless her, sang Tristan's part, which gave me something to go off of at least.

Again, if I'm being my honest with myself (most of me is screaming otherwise), I did call a great show.  I only had one or two cues off, even with missing lines, missing songs, and scene changes gone awry.  But it was enough to shatter my confidence and stress me out more than I've been stressed out since college.

Tomorrow will be better.  The mic problems we had (because while mics went well, we inevitably had problems) will be fixed tomorrow. Dear GOD, hopefully Tristan's voice will be better tomorrow (at least enough so that he can speak and be heard hopefully).  We'll run the awful scene changes.  Everything will be fine.  Today was just a bad day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In other news, all stage managers sing to their rehearsal CDs while also calling cues on the way home from techs.  That's not just me....right?  ................right?  It's strangely relaxing actually, I enjoy doing it.  Also, I have 18+ bumps (0 count light cues that happen at the end of a song) in the musical, so I can use the practice.

Intermission

A friend of mine, Beth (from this post), who also stage manages, cannot stand intermission. She says it interrupts the flow of the show.  Even when kept to the correct length, they are choppy and completely unnecessary.  As a stage manager, she just hates dealing with them and the complications that they create.

As a stage manager, I don't mind dealing with them, but I do wonder at their necessity.  People will sit through a two hour+ movie without a break without even thinking about it.  Hell, they'll even sit through a three+ hour movie; possibly with more grumbling, but they'll still do it.  However, if a play runs more than about 90 minutes without an intermission everyone gets up in arms.

Is there a reason for this?  There's no reason people can't just sit through the play like they do for a movie.  Maybe it's just so ritualistic and traditional that it's an integral part of theatre?  Maybe people just have the expectation of intermission, so they get horribly upset if it's not there?

I don't really know, but the whole mindset is baffling to me.  My college once did a four hour play that end up having two intermissions.  I'm not entirely sure why we couldn't just have one intermission in the middle, but whatever works I guess?  Ultimately, I think I've accepted that intermission is just part of theatre and I don't mind dealing with it.  I'm just not sure it's necessary.

Small World

I graduated school, trained in stage management and wanting to work with kids (5-18ish) or in a children's theatre which catered to those ages.  It was an incredibly specific, narrow goal.  Or at least so I believe.

Since I've graduated, I've worked six shows with children/teenagers and am already scheduled to work two more.  It's worked out surprisingly well for me and because it's something I seem to be good at, I keep getting recommended for.

At the State Thespian Conference that I went to with the actors a few weeks back I briefly talked to a woman. I had just finished talking to the very harried, very overwhelmed technicians about the fact that there was no monitor system in place for the actors to hear the music.  Unfortunately that couldn't be solved, but we made it work.  As I was waiting to reenter the house from backstage I smiled at a woman next to me doing the same thing.  She complimented my name tag (which had been hand written in calligraphy through an odd series of events) and I asked her what school she was with.

It turned out she wasn't with a school, but was an adjudicator for the conference.  She asked what school I was with and I informed her of the school and my position there.  She then remarked that I wasn't a student and wondered if I had been hired professionally.  I explained that I had been hired to work the musical, but I was also in the process of training two very talented asms for their next school year.  A change went over her face when I mentioned that bit of information her face changed and she asked me for my email and phone (assuming I had a pen on me, which of course I did).

She told me she'd contact me next week about possibly teaching some classes for her theatre training program. I honestly didn't expect to hear back from her, but she emailed me practically the next day and we set up a meeting for today.

I went in, dressed for an interview and brought a resume, not quite knowing what to expect.  She had already said she wanted to hire me, but I wanted to make a good impression.   We talked to about an hour about various things.  It was a very relaxed atmosphere.  It turns out her husband had been an adjudicator for the tech portfolios, and thus for Tristan's prompt book (for the last show we worked).  She mentioned that her husband had been extremely impressed and I just marveled at how small the theatre world was.  It never ceases to amaze me.

As it turns out, I have all but been formally hired to teach a couple of workshops in stage management.  They are trying to help the high schools in the area build the program and they were hoping I could help with some hands on exercises.  I'm actually really excited for the workshops (though they aren't for months and months).  Luckily they weren't trying to hire me for a show, because the theatre is so far away, I would have had to turn them down.  But a day or two works just about perfectly.

As I've told people before, training new stage managers is one of my favorite parts of my job.  It's exciting and their progress is always stunning.  I've been very lucky to have enthusiastic, extremely competent trainees to be fair.  But there are some days, like this one, that I'm not sure I would trade my job for anything in the world.  It's just rewarding for me.

Stage Kisses

It's always an interesting thing when stage kisses get blocked.

The first time I was ever present for when a stage kiss was blocked, the two actors just couldn't stop giggling.  They were super nervous and didn't know each other well and had a really hard time taking it seriously.  I think that was the only time that a stage kiss was actually a big deal though.

The next few times I dealt with stage kisses, the actors just did them.  Normally, the directors I've worked with try to find a separate time to stage the kiss for the two actors, away from the rest of the ensemble/cast.  I have once had an director just ask the actors to try it, and it seemed to work just fine.

During my last show the actors added a kiss.  Which was kind of weird in honest.  It fit where it was, but it was just unobtrusive and the directors didn't really even notice till tech.  I'm not sure that was the best way to handle the situation, but it worked?

We staged the show's kiss today and, again, the actors pretty much just went for it.  It's just interesting to me that people make kissing out to be this huge thing, but stage kisses are no big deal?  I don't know.  I don't really envy that actors I think.

I have been less than eloquent on this post, and for that I apologize.

Advice I Don't Agree with

Occasionally I get bored an do some google searches on stage management.  Sometimes I learn new things, some times I don't, but reading what other people have to say is fascinating for me.  However, in my most recent search, there were two things that kept popping up that really bothered me.

1.  The advice to never admit that you don't know something.  This obviously extends beyond stage management and into our general culture.  We're taught as children to "fake it till you make it", be "independent", and not to ask "silly questions".  With all this conditioning, it's not really a wonder why people have trouble admitting that they don't know something.  This is particularly troubling with people in authority, because they're told it's a sign of weakness.

 But here's the thing.  Sometimes you don't know something.  Particularly in regard to stage management, you have so much information thrown at you constantly, that sometimes you just don't know.  And saying so shouldn't be a sign of weakness.  It's a sign of humanity.  I am not a robot and giving the appearance of being one is going to get me into trouble when people assume too much of me.  So yes, I do say: "I'm sorry.  I don't know."  That statement however is almost (possibly without exception, but I can't be positive) always followed by: "But I'll find out" or "Let me get back to you about that."  or "Let me connect you with someone (usually a designer) who might know better".  Saying any of those things is infinitely better than just making something up and being wrong.

On that note.  I've also seen advice about not admitting you're wrong, which paradoxically is often paired with the advice of taking responsibility.  If there is a mishap, mistake, or miscommunication, just say that you messed up.  Just admit you were wrong, and that you're very sorry, and that it shouldn't happen again, but that you were wrong.  People seem to take an odd sort of comfort in these words and I've often said them, even when it really truly wasn't my fault.  They cost you nothing but pride and in all honesty, if you're serious about stage managing, you can't afford a ton of pride in being perfect/never wrong.

One more thing before I move on.  But saying "I don't know" or "I was wrong"  has not once lost me respect from anyone I've worked with.  Maybe I've been lucky, but in my experience, people appreciate you just being another person and not some untouchable demigod.  Like I said, I could be completely mistaken, but I'm less than a year out of college and have been hired for nine shows, so I must be doing something right.

2.  The other piece of advice I saw constantly was to wear appropriate clothing.  Is this really actually a problem?  I mean that question seriously.  I've met quite a few stage managers and have never once run into this problem.  I mean, theatre is more of a casual atmosphere to begin with, so wearing something that scandalizes people and that might be considered inappropriate seems highly unlikely.

The other thing is this piece of advice was always in relation to women.  No low cut shirts.  No exposed midriffs.  No short skirts.  No too-tight pants.  Men were only mentioned once and, frankly, in a  completely absurd manner.  The advice said that men shouldn't go shirtless.  Again, would that actually be a problem ever?  i just don't understand.  Also (and this is always my problem with dress restrictions) what qualifies as too tight, too low, too short? Is that definition based on a conservative man's?  A conservative woman's?  A liberal woman's? A liberal man's? Etc etc.

I would also like to say that if I was working under a stage manager that wore tight jeans, short skirts, and bare midriffs I wouldn't have a problem respecting them if they were competent and commanded authority with a calm, collected personality.  I don't really understand why conservative clothing should be a requirement.  Maybe in order for the director, designers, and actors to respect the stage manager.  But in my experience, those people respond most to competence and attitude, not pieces of cloth.

The Prompt Book

Considering the title of my blog, it's probably about time I addressed what a prompt book is and of what it consists.

What is a prompt book?  A prompt book is a binder that contains every scrap of paperwork a stage manager ever generates.  Why is it called a prompt book?   It is called a prompt book because you will use it to prompt your actors when they are off book and calling for line.  Your prompt book will essentially contain everything you will ever need for the show.  I once had the experience of temporarily losing my prompt book the day of a show and it was genuinely the most terrifying experience of my life.

Prompt books are personal and each stage manager sets theirs up differently.  Below I provide a general guide to what should be in a prompt book.

Company Information: This section has every contact sheet that you generate, meaning one for your cast, one for your production team, and one for your technicians.  I generally also put my scene breakdown in this section (a scene breakdown is a piece of paper that documents every entrance and exit of every character).  The last piece of paperwork that I generally put in this section is an emergency contact sheet.

Calendars and Schedules: This is a fairly self-explanatory section but it should firstly contain your rehearsal calendar.  It should also contain any daily schedules, production calendars, conflict calendars, tech schedules, and tech call times.  My current prompt book consists of everyone of the above mentioned schedules.  That is frequently not that case for me.

Audition Forms: This section could contain your audition form, audition flyer, and any other forms that you create for auditions.  Every single solitary production I have been involved in professionally has not had me involved with auditions at all, so lately I haven't needed to put this section in my book.  I think I may be something of an anomaly however.

Production Meeting Minutes: This section contains every set of production meeting notes that you take.  Again, since I entered the professional world, I haven't taken the production meeting minutes.  They have either been taken by the production manager or production stage manager, which was interesting and unexpected for me.

Rehearsal Reports:  Rehearsals reports are sent out after every rehearsal and contain information about  notes that came up during rehearsals of which the designers should be aware. They are sent out to your asms, director(s), designers, and anyone else that your theatre considers necessary (frequently theatre staff members). One handy hint is in addition to attaching the rehearsal report to the email; you can copy the body of the rehearsal report into the actual email in hopes that people will actually read the report. This section should contain a printed copy of every rehearsal report you generate.  You are most likely the only one printing them out, so if someone wants to know what's in such-and-such report, then you have them at your fingertips easily.

Rehearsal reports are tricky beasts.  The stage managers at my college were getting lectured about proper etiquette and the best way to phrase notes and requests.  Ultimately, you're never going to make everyone happy.  I've been yelled at for being too polite and I've been yelled at for being too terse.  Each designer and director will have a personal preference and you're just not going to be able to change that.  I try to cater to my designer's desires as much as possible, but if I get two conflicting requests, I am going to go with the politer option that suits my needs more.

Somethings to keep in mind about notes: 1) Be as descriptive as possible.  Give the actor/character that the note affects (if any), page number (and/or song), and any possible details you know about the note. 2) Unless someone asks you not to be, try to phrase things politely and in a non-demanding (more requesting) manner.  3) Sometimes where notes go in two categories.  If this is the case, I have a tendency to put the note under general and include the designers/directors' names in the note.

One other warning.  There are some notes that you might not realize are actually notes.  The one that comes to mind immediately is if an actor is blocked to sit on the front of the stage, this is a lighting note.  Lighting designers light people at the level where their faces are, not where their knees would normally be.  They need to know before they do their focus about any strange blocking moves.

Performance Reports:  This section contains every performance report generated.  Performance reports are very similar to rehearsal reports and the stage manager should make one for each performance, including if you have two performances in a day.  Performance reports more often consist of notes for the designers like: "The tea cup from Act I Scene 2 lost it's hand, but we repaired it temporarily with super glue.  We will use epoxy overnight to make more permanent repairs."  When the show opens, it's the stage manager and crew's responsibility to maintain the props and other aspects of the show.  Thus, it's more likely to see a note about something being repaired than a note about something that the crew and stage manager need help managing.

Performance Forms:  This section of your prompt book should contain forms like a quick change list, props preset list, pre and post show checklists, actor timelines, sign in sheets for your actors, scene change lists, and any other paperwork that pertains to your individual show.

Costumes: This is one of the design sections.  Most of the paperwork in this section will be generated by the costume designer.  Some of it includes a costume plot and copies of the costume renderings.

Lighting: Most of the paperwork in this section will be generated by the lighting designer.  Some of it can include an area plot, color key, instrument schedule, channel hookup sheet, lighting renderings, light plot, and light cue sheet.  Don't worry if this section is empty until you get closer tech.  This is fairly normal because lighting design (unlike set design) is a back loaded design.

Properties: Most of the paperwork in this section will be generated by the properties master/designer.  Some of it may be generated by you.  Generally a props list (or a more detailed props plot), rehearsal props list, and sometimes a props tracking sheet (generated by you or your asm) are included in this section.  Lately I've had extremely props heavy shows so I've needed the detailed props tracking in order to be able to set up rehearsals correctly.

Scenic: Most of the paperwork in this section will be generated by the scenic designer.  Some of it includes renderings, a ground plan, and elevations.  Later on, you should get a fly cues from the scenic designer.

Sound: Most of the paperwork in this section will be generated by the sound designer.  Since sound is a different medium than the rest of the designs, I frequently buy CD sleeves to insert in this section.  I also include sound cue sheets.  CD sleeves are an excellent investment, especially when running dance calls via CD and not a live piano.

Blocking Script: The blocking of the entire production is recorded in this section.  It contains two parts: 1) the script and 2) the blocking.  Blocking will most likely need to be an entirely separate entry.

Calling Script: This is the section in which you record your all of your cues.  You use this section to call every performance.  See my post on how to call a show for more details:

General/Miscellaneous: This section is just what it sounds like, a general area for miscellaneous notes.  I put notes from rehearsals, line notes, and other notes in this section.  I also frequently include dramaturgy materials (because I haven't had any overly intense dramaturgy shows before, otherwise I would give it it's own section) in this section.

These sections can be expanded or reduced according to the needs of an individual production.  Occasionally I have had a hair and makeup section.  I have also seen stage managers with a separate section for line notes.  I've only had one, very simple show, have projections so I haven't yet needed a section for it, but I might in the future.

Why this Show is so Hard

I'm four weeks into rehearsals of my new show and I still feel slightly frantic like I do when I'm just starting a new show.

Everything is so overwhelming and it's a fucking high school show!  This is ridiculous and it's driving me crazy.  I can't really even articulate exactly what is making this so hard.  Part of is that I went directly into this show from my last show.  I had virtually no time to sit down and prep.  In most professional theatres you get an entire week to prep: set up your book, tape the groundplan on the floor of the rehearsal space, premake paperwork, talk with your director and designers, and more.  But I didn't get a prep week.  I didn't even get any thinking time.  Auditions for this show were on top of my last show's performance dates.  I think part of this feeling of frantic energy is just never quite being on top of all the paperwork and things I have to do.

The next thing that's making it hard is the sheer number of emails I get a day.  There are days when I've literally woken up to 50 emails.  And frequently, I have to respond to 30-40 of those emails.  So, I spend the first two hours after waking up answering emails and then by the time I'm done another 20 or so emails have come in to which I need to respond.  And then by the time I respond to those, it's time for rehearsals.  I'm good with email.  I respond quickly and I know a lot of tricks about my email server and I only respond to the people who need responding to, but 50+ emails a day is just ridiculous.  Many times the emails could just be condensed in one or two different emails, not 12, which would just make my life so much easier.

Number three on the list of things making this show so difficult.  After rehearsals I have meetings pretty much every day.  I meet on Mondays with the choreographer to discuss how things are going and next week's schedule.  I meet on Tuesdays with the music director and conductor to discuss next week's schedule and to check in.  I meet with the director on Thursdays to check in about my discussions with the choreographer and the music director/conductor and then to discuss next week's schedule.  On Friday's I discuss any leftover business with the director and go over the rough schedule with her.  And, I have impromptu meetings pretty much every other day, sometimes twice a day, too.  For some reason (I think because most of the directors also have full time other jobs) our directors are never in the same place at the same time, so it takes an obscene amount of coordinating.

Number four: we rehearse in our theatre.  We don't have rehearsal rooms and this is both a blessing and a curse.  It's nice for spacing to be in the actual space.  It's awful in regard to controlling the kids (actors).  There are 37 of them and they wander about the auditorium and I don't have a god-mic so I just have to yell/project to get the kid's attention.  The other problem with rehearsing in the space is that's also where the scene shop is, so the designers and carpenters are often in and out of the space working while we have rehearsals.  This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't get pulled aside everyday by a wayward designer or technical director (luckily our production manager is an actor, so he doesn't pull me aside) to talk to them about a note in the previous day's rehearsal report or something they're curious about.  And the thing is, these are important things to address, but I'm trying to run rehearsals!

Number five on this very long list: we haven't had a production meeting for a month and a half.  Our last production meeting we said: "Everything's going smoothly, let's meet again at the end of February."  But then, rehearsals started and people started to suddenly have a million questions.  We've had small meetings with designers, but we really need one where everyone is present.  It's just killing me the amount of extra work and number of extra discussions I'm having to have.

I think that might be the end of this list?  I'm not totally sure on that, there's probably other things that make it hard like a large cast, young actors, an obstinate conductor and props designer, etc.  But I think those are the major ones.  I do have two lovely, talented (though young) asms who help me so so much.  So thanks for small (or in this case very large and important) blessings.

The school I'm working at has midwinter break this week though, so I have an entire week off so I can recoup.  I'm also going to go visit Lana and Kat, which I am unbelievably excited for (plus they have much nicer weather than where I am currently).

Reply All

Another rant (partially because I am so sick of people's lack of tact).

Reply all is a wonderful thing.  You can press one button without retyping all the email addresses.  However, it really really should not be your default in theatre.

If you're having a scheduling chain of emails between all of your directors you should be using reply all.  Why?  Because everyone involved needs to know when you're busy, when you're not.  Your music director needs to know when to teach a particular song if you want to teach a particular dance soon, etc, etc.

If you are sent a rehearsal report and it says:  "What size camera are we using'?  And the props designer gets back to you with the size but also is wondering: "Are we using a flash with this same camera?"  In that case, using reply all is a fairly good idea.  The director(s) is/are probably going to have thoughts about that, the lighting designer might have thoughts.  The sound designer might wonder: "Is the flash going to be making a noise?  Will the camera be providing this noise?"  Hence a situation where it helps everyone to know about your response.

When shouldn't reply all be used?  When you are replying in a fashion that has the potential to embarrass the person you're replying to if the entire production team,etc reads the reply.  That happened the other day, where our set designer was talking about the backdrop and our lighting designer had misunderstood her several times about what type of material the drop would be.  The set designer tactlessly replied to the entire team saying: "Oh! You didn't understand?  I've been perfectly clear."  And there was just no reason for that to be sent to the entire production team and if our set designer had used a tiny iota of sense, they would have realized that embarrassing another designer is not a way to make friends.

So what if you need to reply to five out of twenty people?  A) Press reply and add the rest of the names you need.  B) Press reply all and delete the rest of the names you don't need.  Or C) Send a separate email to the people you specifically need to talk to.   It's not that hard.  I just don't understand.  Yes, the stage manager and director(s) should be included in a lot of replies, but reply all is frequently not the best way to include them.  Sigh.

Props Person Problem

Okay world, help me out.  I have a situation I'm not entirely sure what to do with.

On my last show, I worked with a props designer.  I was asm and thus in charge of props.  We talked briefly about how to deal with props as we went into tech and then she left me to my own devices.

I'm working my current show with the same props designer, only this time as an sm.  And I'm receiving a minimum of five emails a day from her (something I know the stage manager on the last show didn't get because she always sends it to the entire production team).  And many of the emails are: "Can you rename your rehearsal report file names in _____ manner.  They're not convenient this way."  or "You should be pulling rehearsal props and them having your asms set them out on a table."

Maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal to you if you're not a stage manager.  But those are kind of intensely not things she should be interfering with and I'm just not sure what to do.  I'm trying not to take it personally because she is the type of person who always has to have a say about everything.  When we gave her the heads up notice: "We padded the bottom of the garbage can so Johnny could sit up higher in it during Musical Number on page#" she asked "What color padding?"  I would like to point out that the cushions could not be seen at all by the audience.  I understand she's always going to have questions like that, and I've accepted that; I understand that's just how she is.

However, the notes about how I can stage manage better are entirely inappropriate, especially since I am not some high school student stage manager.  I majored in it in college and have been working professionally for the better part of a year.  And I'm trying not to take it personally, but it's just extra frustrating because I know for a fact that she didn't give this type of crap to the stage manager on my last show (who is a high school stage manager).  And the things she's trying to "correct" me on are things that she didn't object to last show when we did things the same exact way.

It's just beyond frustrating.  And I can sit and grit my teeth and be nice to her anyway.  But I honestly thing she also needs to understand that it is thoroughly not her place to be giving me stage management "corrections".

Thoughts?

Show Wrap Up

Okay. I was really bad at posting in January. Really bad.  I'll try to do better in February.  But I wanted to share something with you before the month was up.  Something that reminds me why, even though I'm struggling with money doing theatre, why I do it anyway.

Closing night of my last show, my sixteen actors sat down backstage in the green room, a half hour before their places call.  I stood nearby, giving them time periodically, intensely curious about what they would say and willing immediately to step away if they made the slightest indication they wanted privacy.  They shared in popcorn style.

"You guys are the best friends I've ever had."

"I'm going to miss you."

"I didn't like the show going in, but you made it better.  This has been an amazing production."

"It was my senior year and I just wanted to do one last play, but you've made me want to do more."

"I've struggled with depression this year and coming to rehearsals. To you guys is what made it worth it for me. You reminded me what it's like to be happy."

"I never had any friends in school.  Not close ones anyway, but when I was with you I was always accepted.  Always safe.  We bickered, but we still always loved each other."

"I've always had friends.  More friends than I knew what to do with, but I never actually connected.  Now I know what that's like."

"I was twelve coming into this show and I thought I would be so out of place.  I thought you would think I was arrogant.  That I didn't know my place.  That I was too young.  But you never did.  I always felt like I belonged.  I always knew that I could trust you and that you would help me.  And that you would be my friends.  My middle school is so unbearable that I can't stand to be there, but coming here was what got me through last semester.  You kept me sane long enough so that I can transfer schools."

"You are why I do theatre."

I had been ready to be done with the show.  I didn't do a ton (other than preset) during the show and so I had been so ready to be done.  But after just listening to these kids, I didn't want to be anymore.  That cast didn't have any cliches, any outcasts.  They were a family.  I had always been under the impression that the kids were charismatic and popular with most people.  But, to listen to almost every single on of them, they were all people who had never felt comfortable at their school, even in their drama programs (which were more relaxed/causal than the show we just worked on).  I never realized that this show was special.

Why bring this up now?  The show closed a little bit over a week ago.  Well, today I had an actor stay after rehearsals and just talk to the music director and I.  At first it was casual about the style of the show and the lyrics, etc.  But gradually he began to open up.  He's a sophomore; a very talented sophomore.  He is easily as talented as the kids I mentioned above.  But there are so many age politics in high school (and to some extent, college) drama that he only got a middle-of-the-road part.  He mentioned wanting to maybe drop and the music director and I were stunned.

We talked to him about why and he just wanted a chance to sing.  I hadn't known before now, but the actor has ADHD, OCD, and verbal tourettes.  He's extremely well-adjusted, but also incredibly self-conscious.  And the reason he wants to go into theatre?  Because when he sings.  When he acts.  The ADHD, the OCD, the tourettes just don't matter.  They recede.  His mind isn't clouded.  He can stand centerstage and just belt out that song.  And that's what he wants.  Maybe he was a little disappointed about getting a smaller part, but he was more disappointed that he couldn't have that moment of clarity.  Of freedom.

So.  If you're ever wondering what theatre does.  What art does (both the people doing it and receiving it).  Please remember these kids.  The ones who just put themselves out there.  Who find a community and create a story that they can share.  I realize I'm up on my soap box right now, but I don't really care because moments like this really do remind me why I do what I do.

Free Write

This second post I debated even posting.  It was written the day before Lana went back to college and really was a free write about whatever happened to be on my mind.  I suppose I'll post it anyway, even though it's not  quite relevant to me anymore.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I've had fun.  I really have.  I'm comfortable with Lana.  She's a great friend and I enjoy having a relationship that's more than friendship with her.  I'm not having panic attachs about the changes in my life anymore.  At most I have mild anxiety occasionally.  So why do I feel like I've built up all these good things to one big "But"?

There's not a "but".  There's just a feeling of unease.  I'm not even sure what it's about.  It's so frustrating that I can't figure out why I'm feeling the way I am.  I think it's mostly that Lana leaves tomorrow and then I'll have no company at all (which was unexpectedly not the truth since Will ended up back home for really unfortunate reasons).  I can make new friends.  I have made new friends.  I really like the people I'm currently working with (I also like the people at my new job) but they aren't really people I want to hang out with.

I hung out with people in college, but I never really clicked with them.  In a way, having some time to think is good for me.  It generally means I blog more too (when I'm not finishing one job and starting another) and I really do enjoy blogging.

I've thought about why I'm happier with poly and I still don't know.*  I'm so comfortable just being with Boyfriend; not even talking or doing anything necessarily, just being together with him.  We've been together so long and he makes me happy.  I can lean on him and tell him pretty much everything.  He's very much my partner in all/most ways.  

I've known Lana as long as I've known Boyfriend (longer really) and we've been good friends most of that time.  I've always been comfortable around her.  She's calm, soothing, and she keeps me calm.  I don't know why, but a firm, quier word from her generally helps me catch my temper more than most other things.  unfortunately, though I love him dearly, a word from Boyfriend doesn't do that (anymore?).  We just have too much history with each other.  Again, being with Lana is comfortable.  We sorta fell into our relationship and it was just natural.  We already knew each other so well, why should things be awkward?

That's not to say there isn't passion in both relationships, because there is, but I enjoy the comfortableness immensely.  Actually, I think that's what's been tripping m up most.  Boyfriend and Lana do fit different places in my life; different wants and needs, but both relationships feel similar at times because they feel so natural to me.  Well, that's relieving.  I'm fairly happy with that explanation as to why I enjoy poly for now.  I think I just had to write it out in order to figure it out.

Also, since this is a free write: it was really cute, today on of my actresses asked one of my actors to tolo.  I was amused.  This cast gets along better than any other I've ever worked with.  I suspect  that it's mostly that they all want to date each other, but even the fairly young ones fit in great.  Umm...I've started saying umm, so I think that might be the end of this free write.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I talk a lot about my motives and my thoughts, but I realize that when I actually talk about my feelings I get less comfortable posting it on the internet.  What if someone gets offended over what I actually feel?  What if I completely drop any mask I'm wearing and have to pay for it?  I don't know, I think that's probably why I almost didn't post this.

*Note: I also did a lot more thinking about it and I think the biggest reason I like poly is how much pressure it takes of me and Boyfriend.  We can be enough for each other without trying to force each other to be people who we're not.

Lights Out

Yesterday my performance was cancelled because of the storm here in the great pacific northwest (I actually love it here, but the weather lately is making me not too happy).  There were no lights at the theatre and thus pretty much no way the show could happen.

Today, the power was back so we did our fight call and warm ups and got four songs into the show and the power blew again.  Since the show is one that has "power outage" cues, for a second everyone thought it was a cue (it actually happened right as my stage manager called a cue, which was sorta hilarious and misleading), but then the emergency backup lights came on and everyone realized this was for real.  The actors grabbed the prop flashlights scattered throughout the stage (though they actually turned on).

The production team (and the director who happened to be there...actually she's been present a lot, good thing we like her a lot) talked about what to do and we proceeded to do concert versions of the songs.  Very luckily, we had a real piano, a upright bass, and an acoustic guitar (plus drums which also don't require power), so our musicians were able to play while we held flashlights over their music.  It was all very in keeping with the setting of the play, which was supposed to be in an abandoned theatre.

The actors turned on the fake tea lights (also props) and held them while they sat on the front of the stage.  The soloists stood and their peers lit them with flashlights as they sang.  It was actually a very powerful improvised moment.

After we had sung three songs, it soon became clear that the backup lights were going to run out of batteries soon and that we wouldn't be able to finish singing through the show.  The director requested two of the most beloved numbers be done and then we dismissed the actors and audience, ushering them out quickly before the backup lights went out.  Afterward, the entire cast and crew went out to McDonald's (which did have power).

It was an interesting but also really cool night of theatre.

NOTE: I realize I have updated very sparsely lately and I do intend to fix that. I've been doing a lot of sewing and I'm not very good at balancing hobbies, but I will try better.

Oww Drums Oww

In my head, I had a lovely post about the impact of labels on other people and why I personally use labels to describe myself, but my head hurts and I'm exhausted, so you'll have to wait for another day for that update.

We're in tech for my show and notes are generally keeping me until 11:30 or 12 every single night, so I'm tired with that.  I didn't expect this week to be full of 9+ hour work days again, but it has been, so hurray for that.  Anyway, as asm, I'm stationed backstage where I can keep an eye on the actors and help if anything goes horribly wrong (there are no scene changes, although I do have a single quick change involving three actors at once).  The stage is completely devoid of soft goods and masking, so I am stuck in a corner behind some scaffolding and a half-falling down curtain (which serves artistic purposes, not masking ones).

Underneath the scaffolding is where the drummer is stationed.  In front of the drummer, there is a drum shield.  I sit directly behind the scaffolding and thus, directly behind the drummer.  The sound that the drummer is making is bouncing directly off the sound shield and coming straight at me.  I have that artistic curtain between me and the drummer but for muffling/baffling purposes, it doesn't do a whole lot.

For sitzprobe (where the band plays through the entire show for the first time with the actors) I sat in the house in order to keep the actors quiet, so I honestly didn't realize how loud it would be back where I stand/sit until I was trapped there during our dress rehearsal.  After the show actors were asking me questions and I literally could not hear them.

Having thought it through now I have several solutions to this problem: a) ear plugs b) a hat (since i'm also getting a headache from the headset) c) spending more time in the back hallway and les time actually backstage d) a bottle of excedrin on my person always.

However, in the meantime, I have to live with my temporary hearing loss and raging headache.