Thursday, December 22, 2011

New and Different

So. Part of the reason I haven't been blogging much lately was because I've been busy with friends.  But the other part is because I have had information I couldn't share yet.

I've been interested in one of my best friends, Lana, romantically for awhile now and I finally asked her out recently.  It was something I haven't done in a very long time.  Boyfriend was actually my first and before that I had asked people out but they had said no.  So I was fairly nervous, but she said yes and I am exceedingly excited.

And now, I'm going through the process of telling my friends and family (which is the daunting part, though my sisters were awesome about it).  I'm not sure if I've ever been so sick of fucking talking to people.  Not because people have been mean or bad or judgmental about it, but because every time I talk to someone I psych myself up so much that it becomes really hard to even handle.

There are so many changes in my life right now.  So many changes.  Changes I never ever ever thought would be happening.  And unfortunately, I just occasionally have times where I just freak out and shut down because everything is so hard to handle.  But I'm happy.  I'm so happy.  Boyfriend is wonderful.  Lana is wonderful. And I have great friends, which is always what's drives the panic attacks away.

The most frequent question I've had to answer?

Yes, Boyfriend really is okay with this.  As much as I can ever be sure about other people's thoughts and feelings.  It seems like he wants an open relationship too, so I honestly don't think I'm pushing him.  We're partners together and I honestly believe we will tell each other if we're feeling uncomfortable.

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